As evidenced by this blog's post schedule, I've fallen into a twin trap of busyness and apathy over the past few months. The more delightful things in my life are easier to focus on, while the harder yet necessary work has been like pulling teeth. I was reminded in a conversation yesterday that spiritual disciplines, such as worship, prayer, Bible reading or scripture memorization do not come naturally to a believer -- these are hard at times, requiring education and persistence and focus. And it's so much easier just to let them slide.
I let a lot of things slide in my life, to my shame. I sometimes fool myself that because I'm so busy and obviously doing things all the time, that I'm okay on the whole, it balances out the things I neglect that are more important. It's the tendrils of apathy clutching at me, urging me not to fight but just to give in. There's nothing Satan likes more in a Christian than one who just doesn't care to stay sharp.
The other day I signed back up with Weight Watchers, because I've been getting apathetic in my physical health, and that needs to be reversed. It's annoying to start a diet on WW, because you have to track everything you eat, make sure you have time in the day for exercise, and be confronted with your weight all the time instead of just comfortably ignoring it. However, in doing so a part of me has stirred to excitement that I'm finally taking action, and I look forward to a year from now when I'm going to lose a whole lot of weight and feel much better for it.
Likewise, I need to go back on a spiritual diet of disciplines and make more time for God in my life. The purpose of this blog, way back at the start of the year, was to hold me accountable for my daily spiritual walk with God -- prayer, scripture reading, journaling. As someone once told me, if I don't take care of my spiritual life, who will? And so I'm returning to it, a bit shamed but still excited. I've loved seminary this semester, and spending a day concentrating on God has become a true joy.
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